-Jeff Luppino-Esposito

Jessica Heslam, the apparently “award winning” columnist for the Boston Herald, broke one simple rule in an article unnecessarily attacking Giants fans on January 25, in an absolutely disgusting manner. While artists and athletes, earning absurd amounts of money and actively putting themselves in the public eye, are open for criticism, this does not hold true for their innocent fans. While one may be asked to defend a taste in a favorite team or band, a fan's class status, their level of education, and their basic tendencies as human beings are not fair game to be mocked in a professional newspaper. That's why the truly classless Mrs. Heslam should never get another writing job again....

Heslam begins her vomitous article by attempting to convince us that her arguments for a superior level of “classiness” among Patriot fans are based on actual fact. Of course, her empirical data may be accurate, but no link is ever drawn between these numbers and her social claims.

We are supposed to be impressed by the fact that a whopping THREE percent more of Patriot fans have a bachelor’s or postgraduate degree than their Giant counterparts. Aside from the point that these numbers are so insignificant for vast generalizations to be made, the mere concept of judging the character of an entire group of people based on college level education is equally if not more absurd. I believe we can all think of more than a few people in our lives who do not have a college education but could never be characterized as classless or unintelligent by any degree.

These judgmental claims are the first of many throughout the article that prove Heslam actually thinks she has authority to be writing about things much more serious than a sporting event. Of course, her harsh misinterpretation of ‘class’ comes of no surprise when she writes on behalf of a group of people who continue to elect Ted Kennedy into office.

She continues with more snobbish social commentary by noting the massive nine percent difference between Pats and Giants fans of those who own houses worth over $200,000 dollars (this insignificant figure is only rivaled by her thrilling point about Patriot fans having a higher percentage of broadband internet connection).

Her utter disregard for common sense and even her own previous points made me wonder how this person continues to be employed by a professional newspaper. It becomes painfully ironic when she mocks Giants fans for driving BMWs and Land Rovers and playing tennis in their backyards... sounds like a bunch of stupid hicks to me, those damn New Yorkers. You’re right Jessica, the tri-state area is complete shit, totally classless, homeless, and uneducated. what was I thinking, everyone wants to make it big in Boston one day, come on, it’s the greatest city in the world!

She furthers her snobbish commentary by reminding us that Patriots fans are more likely to read magazines like “Wine Spectator” instead of eating “junk food like pretzels, chips, and nuts.” Interesting point, but Patrick Slay, 19, of Richmond, Virginia (who openly dislikes both teams) asks rhetorically, “Is it a bad thing to eat hotdogs instead of hummus at a football game?” Great point Patrick, we are, supposedly, meant to be talking about football here. Some may wonder, however, if Mr. Slay is much of a legitimate source in my attempt to put down this professional article, to which I will respond indefinitely; yes, he absolutely is. He not only meets, but exceeds Mrs. Heslam's low standards by being exponentially more unbiased than any of her sources.

In her article, Jessica cunningly quotes a Mr. Mike Schuster as her only source to correlate her numbers to her attempted point. Schuster (pictured at right... yes that is actually him) is obviously an unbiased expert who can be trusted when he informs us of Bostonian class and New York trash. The only qualifications that Heslam offers us on behalf of Mike Schuster is that he has lived for 45 years, he works with real estate and computer software, he owns a home nearby Gillette Stadium, and his name is in fact Mike Schuster. These, of course, are the ultimate credentials for making broad sweeping statements about entire regions of the country. It’s also comical that his quote pertains to Yankees fans, not even Giants fans, reaffirming Heslam’s incompetence and the obvious elitist overtones meant to extend beyond sports.

A few other final notes about this utter disgrace of an article; Heslam comments on the higher percentage of female fans for the Patriots, though anyone in their right mind would see the connection between one of the “sexiest men alive” playing quarterback and an increase of females interested in a specific football team. As for Yankees fans booing their own players, sports expert and student currently residing in the Boston area, Steve Smith, asked Heslam in a letter, “Do I have to remind you about the venom spewed at JD Drew for an entire eyar before his grand slam toppled the Indians in the ALCS?” Thanks Steve, another great point against this garbage. Unfortunately, I write this not just to dispel all the obvious flaws in this article, but more to point out the deeper implications of making statements regarding class status in a piece about football.

When it comes down to it, this is far more than just a mockery of Giants fans, it is a sickening attempt at smearing the name of all New Yorkers based on insignificant figures and poorly constructed causal links. What may be the most upsetting part of this is the fact that Jessica Heslam had another article about New York approximately 6 years ago. Heslam, writing for the Herald, covered the attacks that occurred on September 11, 2001; she saw the people of New York in their darkest, though arguably their finest, hour, and only a few years later, she shows no restraint in relentlessly mocking these very same people. Now that's the definition of classless. This is a sad day for the Boston Herald and anyone who elected Jessica Heslam as an “award winning” journalist. Add this to the list of why no one wants the Patriots to win.