Right now I should be in CVS trying to determine whether the long white box with the drawn-on bow or the falsely-represented heart-shaped alternative with cherry filled chocolates will prove I actually care. I should be sifting through the 7 leftover cards and pondering whether or not she’ll think that a “To mom, from daughter” card is as funny as I find it to be. I should be attempting, in vain, to find some moderately unique gift that indirectly channels my feelings, of which I’ll later be informed I, “really didn’t HAVE to” get. Is this what Valentine's Day is meant to be??

Why has this day, named after a bunch of pretty sweet martyrs, become simply a burden for some, and a miserable experience for others who are too ‘lonely’ to even have such a burden. With a little help from American Holiday Studies major, semi-pro of courtship, and friend, Matt DiPisa, I struggle to rediscover the Valentine’s Day of our childhood, one that embraced consumerism and stirred the young lover in us all.

To begin, let me first debunk any of your fears that this is going to be another article that whines about Valentines Day as being a “social construct”, created by “Western capitalist pigs”, meant to spread our imperialist ways through Hallmark and big oil companies. Sure, we’re all aware that there is very little to be deemed ‘natural’ about Valentines Day, but that should not stop us from making the most of it and finding all that was once great in its man-made history.

The sad reality is that Valentines Day has become not only a day for couples to reluctantly spend money, but more one that victimizes the single man or woman. How many significant-other-less among us have wanted to vomit at the sight of pink and red balloons and the word ‘love’ spewed about carelessly for the last month? In talking with Matt DiPisa (aka MD: the doctor of love), I came to remember that this was not always the case.

Let’s flashback. It’s fourth grade, third marking period (yes, that’s right, you remember marking periods) and you’ve been excitedly fiddling in your seat all day to give little Sally some chocolates that your mom gave you this morning and the dandelion you picked from outside. You’ve been waiting all year and you chose the perfect Miss Piggy-themed card that will surely show her you’re in touch with your feminine side and comfortable with your prepubescent masculinity. It was the perfect day to be a single man in (what you perceive to be) love!

Mr. DiPisa recollects nostalgically how in the younger years, “you could go out on a limb,” and pop the big, “will you be my valentine” question. “As you get older though, that can’t happen anymore… it just becomes awkward,” he adds disappointingly.

International correspondent and roommate, Sam Beaver, seconds the love doctor’s statements and recounts in his signature British accent, “I kept it going pretty long, but there just came a point. Still, mate, in the 7th grade, I gave roses to two girls… best decision I ever made… seriously”
Where have these innocent days of middle-school polygamy gone?

In further discussion with the ever-chivalrous DiPisa, we come to the heart-breaking conclusion that it could simply be a product of youth, and like many holidays, its charm and myths must go with age.

As the years go by, it has become more and more a day for couples, “you’re either in a relationship and you HAVE to do something, or you’re single and it’s socially unacceptable to even try to do anything,” DiPisa frankly adds. Wikipedia (uncontestedly) states that 85% of ‘valentines’ are purchased by women. What’s going on men, how did we let this happen? Why do you think this holiday has become dominated by flowers, chocolates, and Tommy Hilfiger cologne? It’s our own fault.

So why fight, why does it matter if the holiday is simply a product of our childhood innocence? Well, I’d like to think that there is still hope. First, I’d like to think that I’m wrong in generalizing our lack of risk-taking on this day, and I would love to know that there are still some successful attempts at using it as an opportunity rather than an excuse to bitch about being lonely. Additionally, I was intrigued by the weight that the holiday actually holds on an international scale.

In Saudi Arabia, as reported this past Monday through the BBC, the government banned all red items including flowers and wrapping paper. There was an immediate rise in the prices of black market roses in response to this censoring of a holiday that the government deems, “un-Islamic”. Obviously, the good intentioned meaning of this holiday as one based on love and care, are in no way against the principles of Islam. This is evident by the impressive fervor of the people who will travel to neighboring countries or deliver bouquets in the middle of the night at the risk of persecution to still celebrate the holiday.

To summarize that point: grumpy people in the US will do anything to avoid the sight of Valentine’s Day festivities, while in other parts of the world they are putting themselves at risk just to bask in the glory of the day that we once appreciated in our youth.

So, while I understand that Valentine’s Day might not be the happy-go-lucky “Leave it to Beaver” gala of yore, I firmly believe that it can once again be a day for distant love to flourish and be discovered in a non-creepy way. To all of you looking for that special someone, why not make the most of this day and give it a shot at that Thursday night frat party. Nothing says I love you like the tones of T-Pain's "Low", a full solo cup and a rose.