-Jeff Luppino-Esposito

You heard right folks, PopSense has decided at last to step down from the high horse of art and culture to stoop to a new low-- the political arena; a fitting move as the election process becomes more like a poorly scripted movie every day. We have one goal—to conquer the riff raff, clear the smoke, and give you a concise break down of the presidential situation with lots of unnecessary, exaggerated, apolitical commentary along the way. Where to start? Obama is full of frighteningly empty rhetoric, McCain’s too old to realize his own party hates him, and Hilary’s a woman. Now let’s find out what this means for America....

Many of you may be wondering what took us so long to hop on this whole “let’s pretend that the government is American Idol and we can suddenly VOTE for a president” bandwagon. Well, when we realized that Ron Paul didn’t have an actual chance at winning, we were violently inconsolable on the subject of politics for quite some time. It’s not that we endorsed or trusted any of his views or policies, so to speak, it was more along the lines of—holy shit, this guy is incredibly entertaining, please let him be President just for like a couple days until every country in the world attack us, then we’ll kick him out and vote for real. So while we mourn the defeat of our double-first-name friend, we acknowledge that it is our duty to you, the reader, to keep you at least remotely informed on moderately important issues. (NOTE: Ron Paul, as of now, with absolutely no chance of winning, is still technically staying in the race, which of course only reaffirms our love for him)

So let’s start with the facts. As a quick clarification, John McCain has clinched the Republican nomination, and Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton continue to battle it out for the Democrat’s spot. What makes this election more exciting than usual? This race is going all the way to the convention floor, as the pundits say. Hil needs 94% of the remaining delegates whereas Obama wants 77% to grab the nomination, both of which are realistically impossible to achieve. The final decision then may actually come down to a bunch of super-shadesters known as the “superdelegates”.

This incredibly overstated title for a band of scheming politicians designates 1/5 of the total delegates and could determine the Democratic candidate against the will of the people if they so choose. Technically known as the “unpledged party leaders and elected official delegates” (obviously ‘super’ is implied), these men and women can swing the vote in either direction as the two candidates come in neck and neck as the essentially irrelevant voting rolls on.

So what could sway these uberincredibleandohsohonorabledelegates? Well, with each candidate having notable weaknesses (that some would say conveniently balance one another) the choice for Vice President could actually make a huge difference. Oh, you dog you, I know what you’re thinking—hold on, hold on don’t pick your VP yet, why not wait till the nomination is made and then combine the two forces into one epic liberal candidate that makes FDR look fiscally conservative?!? Hold your horses kids, I know politics can be riveting, but this is just an introductory article to a series of ridiculous posts on the way that I wish I started earlier so I could’ve captured the absurdity of Hilary crying and Mike Huckabee running for President of the Confederacy, I mean President of the United States.

Yes, I am fully aware that at no point in this article did I discuss a single qualification or viewpoint of any candidate in the election. This is neither a mistake nor a product of laziness; this is a fair representation of the entire election. This year, more than ever, the race has become a battle not of policy, but of broad ideas, empty promises (nothing new there) and general appearances. We at PopSense strive to bring you more of the same crap you’re already getting. We can in no way alter your views of old white guys, black people, and women, and to be honest, we wouldn’t even bother trying, because damnit, that’s what makes America great.

Next time; Could Hilary and Obama really join forces? If so, would it work? What are their other options? Could the wrong choice at VP mean that the Republicans return for another 4 years against what seemed like insurmountable odds? Will Bill Richardson’s pronounced dimples prevent him from bringing his experience to the ticket? All this and more, next time on PopSense Decides ’08.