Arian Murati STAFF WRITER

The epic prequel to Already Irrelevant II. (Previous statement does not negate the relevance of this post)

Some things are just so two years ago. We here at PopSense don't have time for fools who don't know what time it is. This is the beginning of a long series of things that we, the pop culture overlords, will put to rest and offer suitable alternative that cannot possibly become obsolete because of their undeniable awesomeness. Take notes, make suggestions, and keep an eye out for trends, fashions, and actions that are Already Irrelevant.

1. Chuck Norris Jokes

Why: While sitting in on a brainstorming session for a video project, I overheard two of the writers constantly bringing up Chuck Norris as a running joke throughout the video doing badass things. There's only one thing that's wrong with this: Chuck Norris is a washed up actor who sells exercise equipment on late-night infomercials. He doesn't do badass shit anymore, and my pretentious college indie beard is much cooler than his.

Acceptable Alternative: Billy Mays. You do not fuck with Billy Mays. He will sell you things you don't want to buy, then haunt your dreams and sleep with your mother; not to mention the fact that his beard would mop the floor with Chuck Norris' (Yes the cleaning product pun is in fact intended.)

2. The phrase "BAAAALLLIINNNN"

Why: Every time someone crumbles up a piece of paper in class and proceeds to prep for their wicked jump shot, you know what's coming. Nothing says gangster like a white dude in a suit making it rain from his cubicle.

Acceptable Alternative: Marv Albert's incredible one-liners from the SNES classic NBA Jam 1994: BOOMSHAKALAKA, FROM DOWNTOWN, or HE'S ON FIRE!

3. The Soulja Boy Dance

Why: If you really have to ask, you need to take some time off and really think about where your life went wrong and how you ended up learning this dance. Was it when your dad stopped showing up to your Little League games? Was it when you "accidentally" ingested that entire can of paint thinner? When? I WANT TO HELP YOU. Contact me and we'll have a little one-on-one-Freud-and-patient-on-the-chair talk.

Acceptable Alternative: Someone please make a dance to go with this song

4. Vampire Weekend

Why: I know, I know. We're a hipster blog; we're supposed to adore Vampire Weekend. What you don't know is that we're so hip; we decide when things aren't cool anymore. That's the entire point of this article. Anyway, they became a critic's wet dream when they came out. They had all the makings of an overhyped indie band. New York? Check. College? Check. Sweaters? Check. Low sound quality? Check. They were the first band to ever combine rock music with afro-Caribbean rhythms and vocals! What? Who are The Police?

Acceptable Alternative: Gogol Bordello – A real badass Eastern European dance explosion out of NYC.

Gogol Bordello - Start Wearing Purple.mp3
Gogol Bordello - Dogs Were Barking.mp3
Gogol Bordello - 60 Revolutions.mp3

5. Quoting Anchorman

Why: This movie came out in 2004, and yet, every time someone quotes it, it's as though it came out last week. I can't tell you how many parties I've been to (4) where someone has said the "I love scotch" line, or fast food places where someone compares the fish tacos to a turd covered in burnt hair; not to mention walking through a department store after getting sprayed by the perfume gargoyles and hearing about the effectiveness of Sex Panther from the guy next to me. I don't know, maybe my friends are just horrible people.

Acceptable Alternative: Quoting Spike Lee's "Do The Right Thing", with such memorable lines as "YOU KILLED RADIO RAHEEM!" and "Fuck you, fuck your fuckin' pizza, and fuck Frank Sinatra."


Ok, it's time for Already Irrelevant II

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