Zak Krone STAFF WRITER

I volunteer as a radio DJ on weekends. My show consists of a wide variety of music, rock, hip-hop, folk, and even classical if I’m feeling some Bach. One of the things that you learn as soon is you step into a Radio Station’s music library, is that you have no idea how much music is out there, most of it really shitty. So imagine my excitement when an album comes along that gets reviews such as these:

“…he makes the case for his misunderstood genius…” – NY Times
“…he has kept his sound fresh with a bottomless bag of hooks…” - Blender
“… the robotic voice is reconciled by a warm soul…” – Entertainment Weekley

Oh sweet jesus please don’t tell me you’re talking about...

“T-Pain is an oasis of audible joy that caresses the earbuds with an ecstasy of sound” – James Lipton

Okay, maybe I made up that last one, but T-Pain just “dropped” his latest album entitled “Thr33 Ringz” and the press has gone nuts for this LP. “Thr33 Ringz,” great title, the only problem being that @$H()LE$ are the only type of people who enjoy replacing letterZ with numberZ. But let’s give T-Pain a chance, dumb titles aren’t reason enough alone to write off an album, just listen to the poetic nature of his lyrics. Look at this gem. It’s a cover of the Bob Dylan classic “it aint me”

Put you in a range, buy you expensive things
It ain't me, babe, it ain't me, no, it ain't me,
No way, no how, uh uh
It ain't me, babe, it ain't me, no, it ain't me,
Ice out all your fingers take you out and make you famous
It ain't me, babe, it ain't me, no, it ain't me,
No way, no how, uh uh
It ain't me, babe, it ain't me, no, it ain't me,

See how much better you can make the chorus by adding “uh uh” fifteen times and changing the subject matter to make it materialistic? Bravo, T-Pain, bravo.

Please do not buy this album, it will only encourage him.

READ MORE ARTICLES FROM ZAK!

If you dare, here's some T-pain tunes. Downloading them could indirectly steal money from him. Which is a good thing -
T-Pain - Blowing Up (Feat. Ciara).mp3
Therapy (Feat. Kanye West).mp3
T-Pain - Ringleader Man.mp3