Jeffrey Luppino-Esposito and Stelios Phili EDITORS

5. "You know, your grandpa looks just like that turkey when he's naked!"

4. "So I said to the doctor, I said, 'well you can take it out of my body but there's no way you're keeping it in this hell hole,' so I took it home with me and just popped it in the fridge. Who knew cranberry sauce would mix so nicely with my kidney!"

3. "Can somebody chew these potatoes for me?"

2. "I'll tell you kids, this dinner always reminds me of how much I actually hate Indians... with those stupid little red dots on their heads and their elephants, they make me sick."

1. "It was on this day 50 years ago that I told your grandpa, 'The only stuffing I need on Thanksgiving is you, baby.' One year later, your mother was born."

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