Arian Murati STAFF WRITER
An epic follow-up to the glory that was "Already Irrelevant" (part 1)

1. Urban Outfitters

Why: A t-shirt stops being ironic when there are three people within ten feet of you wearing the same one. Where do they get off putting Sanford and Son on a shirt and selling it to teenagers? Ditto for obscure election year shirts. You may think you look cool in your Where The Wild Things Are shirt, but we know you're empty inside. You're really no different than those kids that shop at Hollister.

Acceptable alternative: Inner City Thrift Stores

Why: Nothing says hipster like buying a padded vest whose previous owner was probably homeless. My personal favorite is the Red White and Blue Thrift Store in Paterson, New Jersey, where I can get some serious work done with twenty dollars. Just last month, I picked up some new moccasins for five bucks, as opposed to the fifty dollar ones being sold at Urban. Tisk, tisk.

2. Covering Smells Like Teen Spirit

Why: Because I've never heard anyone perform it well. Sometimes, when I'm feeling down about my musical ability, I just head on over to YouTube and look up some videos of tweenage band playing this classic, and think to myself, "everything is going to be ok". We were all in middle school once, and Nirvana is a band that changed my life, but seriously, it's just a song that no one is supposed to cover.

Acceptable Alternative: Covering the Divinyls' "I Touch Myself"

Why: Because every band should have a hot chick lead singer, and nothing makes a high school gymnasium full of friends and family more uncomfortable than this little number.

3. Myspace

Why: When your parents have one, it's time to move on. I never had one myself, but most of my bands have had one at various points. Every now and then I'll log into the one (I'm amazed I still remember the password) and laugh at the chain bulletins and "ADD ME PLZ LOLZ" messages.

Acceptable Alternative: Reality

Why: At some point over the summer, I stepped away from my Macbook and walked outside. There was some bright thing in the sky and it was awfully hot. People have names like "Steve" and "Maria", not "xoBellaBabii" and "NiklbakRulz22", and apparently, no one understands lolcats at "Starbucks". I've been a bit too scared to go outside since then, and judging from the view outside my window, it's cold, and that bright thing isn't around as much.

4. South Park

Why: No one cares anymore. It's not as offensive as it was when I was nine. There was a time where kids' parents disallowed them to watch this show, but nowadays, parents are more concerned about sleeping with their bosses and paying late child support bills to care.

Acceptable Alternative: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Why: The main characters are horrible people, plain and simple. And that's just fucking great. Maybe it's because they remind me of my friends and I in five years, or maybe it's because Greenman is the greatest character ever created, but this show is gold. Pure gold.

5. Dane Cook

Why: Fine, his standup special was moderately funny, and he's got a knack for telling stories. But underneath that, he isn't really that funny. Everyone knows the bro humor trend ended in 2007. His acting career is a pretty good joke, though. Employee of the Month? Really?

Acceptable Alternative: Eugene Mirman

Why:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Hm7FqjagJo

I demand to read more posts from this fellow!