Melissa Schrettner STAFF WRITER

When I was asked to write a “real” article for PopSense (music reviews apparently don’t count), I was inevitably faced with the question, “What the hell am I going to write about?” What is something that I know intimately enough that I could discuss for a lengthy—but not too lengthy!—800 words? What are things that are pertinent to my life, and should be pertinent to yours, too? Don’t fret too much, young grasshoppa, I’ll start you off easy. You aren’t yet ready to hear why, exactly, the Jonas Brothers are beyond awesome, how Japanese pop singers may soon take over the world, or that Soylent Green actually is—Well, we’ll save that for another time. We have bigger fish to fry, PopSensers, the biggest of which is the Art of Procrastination.

Everyone procrastinates differently, especially with exams right around the corner. The first step is to figure out if you are, indeed, a procrastinator. Do you have work that needs to get done? For those of you that said yes, have you started it? If the answer is also yes, you’re probably lying—either way, you are a procrastinator! (If you have not yet taken the time to answer the original question of whether or not there is work to be done, you are on a whole different playing field than the rest of us and, clearly, there is nothing more I can teach you.)

So you’re a procrastinator. What does this mean? This means that your productivity level is essentially zero. However, if you are a top-notch procrastinator like I know many of you to be, you have probably not yet started thinking up things you could be doing instead of doing work; this is where I come in. I have sacrificed my time and effort in order to give you a few ideas. Forgive me if this list is lacking—knowing that I had all weekend to do it, I chose instead to watch every episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and twenty episodes of Naruto (with subtitles. Please, I have some dignity) before finally starting it.

1. Eat. This is a classic procrastination technique that has been around since the beginning of time. Do you have food readily available? Great, enjoy a delicious snack! Unless, of course, you have to cook it. (Note: Avoid cooking at all costs, even if it is only Ramen noodles. This is a rookie mistake, and we PopSensers are better than that.) A quick and easy remedy to this is to simply order food from the place of your choosing.

2. Work on your social networking skills. Or, simply put, mess around on Facebook and look at every picture posted of that cute girl in your Biology class or of that football jock with the really great butt. For extra fun, keep a tally of how many hipsters in plaid you see lurking in the background of these photos.

3. Write to your Grandma. She’s a nice lady and she’d probably love to hear from you. Unless, you know, you set her cat on fire last week or something, in which case you might want to avoid this one.

4. Read the Watchmen graphic novel. The movie comes out in March, people, and it’s going to blow your faces off. So read the graphic novel beforehand, because doing so is so hip that not even the hipsters are doing it yet.

5. Read PopSense. Naturally. Comment on all of the articles, too, because that makes us super happy. In fact, comment on this article by telling me how wonderful I am and inform me of other procrastination techniques. You have to share the love, guys.

6. Watch the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. And make it the Director’s Cut, while you’re at it. That’s eleven and a half hours of pure ork-battling deliciousness. (Not to mention the dreamy Legolas—he can string my bow anyday.)

7. Do nothing. Ponder. Meander. Sit there.

8. Write an article on the Art of Procrastination so as to avoid writing a paper on the abolishment of the Electoral College from the American political system. Not that I’d, you know, actually do this or anything.



Take this lesson to heart—think about going out there and changing the world… later, of course.

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