Jason Moreira EDITOR


Ideally, you would have had all of your holiday shopping done by now. But of course, you don’t. To help you narrow down the possibilities of what to get your favorite hipster for Christmas (or Hanukkah!), I’ve developed this list of 10 items any hipster would love to have. So let’s get started:

10) A Beret

Nothing says “I’m a swinging hipster” like interesting bohemian headgear. If you’re looking for the perfect gift for your favorite painting and/or Che Guevara enthusiast, look no further than the symbol of defiant coolness, the beret. They’re just like regular hats, but floppy and deflated looking! Très Chic!


9) A Gratuitous Amount of Hot Pockets

Giving a unique gift is the best way to let your special hipster someone know that they’re one of a kind. What’s more unique than a gigantic box of hot pockets? Nothing, that’s what. Both junk food and delicacy, these little pods of cheese and who knows what are the wave of the past, present, and future, all at once. (Paradox Pockets?) When giving them as a gift, be sure to properly preface the Hot Pockets as objects of peace and love, lest the recipients mistake your donation of snacks as an offering of uncontrollable diarrhea.

8) A Guitar

These days, everyone and their mother has a guitar. Sadly, everyone and their mother also think they know how to play one. Regardless, if you know an aspiring hipster who’s a little lacking in the rocker department, a guitar is the perfect remedy. It doesn’t have to expensive. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be real. Strap some rubber bands around a friggin shoebox, for all it matters. It won’t really make a difference, considering that whatever you buy will immediately be relegated to, at best, an article of furniture, and at worst, a device used solely to grind out badly interpreted, outdated Dispatch songs to get chicks. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

7) A Random Intergalactic Entity

If you’ve seen Flight of the Conchords, which you should have, you’ll know that in one of the episodes, several distant stars were purchased in order to profit on highly valued intergalactic real estate. The whole venture ended up blowing up in the buyers’ faces (literally...all three purchased stars supernova’d several billion years ago), but that’s not the point. I’m convinced that there’s something special about being able to prophetically point to the sky, and say in a voice a little bit too loud for your surroundings, “somewhere out there, somewhere, in the endless void of space, there’s a huge ball of something—probably lots of explosive gas and dust—and that something is mine”.

6) A Pea Coat

Pea coats are IN. I personally don’t have one, but I know I want one. Originally worn by sailors in British and Dutch Navies in extremely cold weather, Pea coats are as fashionable as they are practical, and are the mark of a well dressed hipster who also happens to be ready to brave the seven seas. Combine with a Beret and/or shutter shades for the ultimate in pretentious high-culture garb.


5) A Popsense T-Shirt (Shameless Plug Alert)

It might be that Pea coats or other hip winter-wear (see: Snuggie) just aren’t cutting it for you. In that case, you just might want to ratchet up the hipness to a whole new level with some way cool Popsense gear, which will be available in the coming weeks. True, not in time for Christmas this year. But since when did you need an occasion to wear the higher awareness of cultural truth on your sleeve (literally)? Keep your eyes peeled for these…

4) A Macbook Pro

Did you know that just about all the content on Popsense is created on macs? A Mac, like a dog with a disk drive, hipster’s best friend after all. If you can sidestep the steep price tag, a Macbook Pro Christmas gift is tough to beat. Unless of course you can get…


3) A Lock of Steve Jobs’ Hair

Just like the move from Pea coat to Popsense T-shirt, going from a Macbook Pro to a lock of Steve Jobs’ Hair bumps up the level of hipness exponentially. Why be content with a Bible when you can have a piece of Jesus himself? (Can I say that? Am I going to hell? What if it’s worth it? Is God ok with satire?)


2) Nothing

Make a statement about the evils of materialism by offering your friends beautifully gift wrapped boxes of…nothing. When they get pissed at you for being a scrooge, tell them that it’s the thought that counts, and that it was #2 on Jason’s top 10. That’s damn good. Plus, the only reason you didn’t get them the #1 gift is because you couldn’t get your hands on…

1) Arian Murati

If you’re looking for the best possible Christmas gift for your favorite hipster, look no further than Mr. Murati, a resident Staff Writer here at popsense. Arian is the most exclusive gift known to mankind. In fact, current studies indicate that there is only ONE in existence. That’s rarer than diamonds, people! DIAMONDS!
For girls, Arian is a perfect gentleman and a lover of good conversation. Also, he has dashing good looks and is currently sporting a delightful winter beard.
For guys, Arian is the best friend and wingman you could ask for. His mere presence makes you cool, and he exudes masculinity that will attract women from miles around—women that Arian will graciously yield to you out of his infinite beneficence.

Well, that’s it for the top 10 best gifts for hipsters. From myself and the rest of the Popsense team, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! See you in the new year!
~JMo


Just admit it, you know you want MORE JASON.