Jeffrey Luppino-Esposito EDITOR

If the Golden Globes included the douchebag of the year award, who would have won?
a. Miley Cyrus for her role in Bolt - 26.7%
b. Tom Cruise for sucking so bad in Valkyrie that he made viewers support Hitler - 31.1%
c. Steven Spielberg for massacring Indiana Jones - 28.9%
d. The Wachowski Brothers for creating Speed Racer - 13.3%

I think it's only fair that I begin this short piece with a confession. I have never, will never, and wouldn't admit to it if I had ever, seen any of these movies in question. That being said, I welcome anyone to comment who feels it fitting to defend Tom Cruise's performance or Miley Cyrus' existence (without posting links to pictures of her nude (just email those to Stelios directly)). For those of you who would like to argue that The Wachowski Brothers made many advanced, bold artistic decisions in Speed Racer that I simply don't understand (had I seen it), or that Steven Spielberg paid fitting homage to the Indiana Jones overlords, I will only curse you off mildly for disagreeing with me since I have no basis for my analysis (translation-- I'm not near as passionate about this award show as say Zak is about bitches who mess with him and his analysis of the Grammys).

Inside PopSense references aside, let's take a moment to reflect on these results. The low turnout for the Wachowski Brothers leads me to suspect that either A) like me you didn't see this movie or B) you could never be upset with them because you're still too damn impressed that they made Keanu look good in a movie. There's really nothing of note to be said about Miley Cyrus since I've already discussed the topic of scandalous pictures of 15 year old girls, and the disappointment of Indiana Jones is just a bold statement based solely on an episode of South Park. We close with the obvious winner-- Tom Cruise, as part of his sick Scientology plan, has committed two equally atrocious acts -- painting Hitler in a positive light by putting on a shitty performance (I think), and converting Will Smith over to the dark side. It's a damn shame.

New Poll:
You suddenly obtain a third arm when cell phones finally take their full effect, how do you utilize your new super power?

a. Pick up women by offering a third exhibit at the gun show
b. Take the 'tap someone on the opposite shoulder so they turn around' trick to a whole new level
c. Become a waiter at TGI Friday's
d. Scare old people

Go VOTE NOW in the right side bar!

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