You know that creepy ex-boyfriend that won't leave you alone no matter what and keeps making grander and grander gestures to win back your approval that was never really there in the first place? Well, the Academy Awards is that ex-boyfriend! After many attempts over the past decade to increase viewership, including the Academy's addition of the controversial "Pretty Good Actress Who--We're Not Gonna Lie This Time--Mostly Just Won Because of Studio Politics and Not Actual Talent" award, the good ol' Oscars are trying once again to win back the hearts of the two dozen people in America who actually still go to the cinema and spend the $300 it takes to buy ticket instead of just downloading it illegally later.

It was announced yesterday that the Best Picture race would be increasing from five to ten total pictures. We at PopSense put together a comprehensive list of the pictures that would have been obvious choices if this change would have taken effect before last year's ceremony.

Space Chimps
Reason: Animated. After rumbling for years about the possibility for an animated film to gain the respect that Beauty and the Beast received in being nominated, Space Chimps shocked the world and beat out close-second Wall-E as the sixth best picture nominee. That's one small step for man, one giant leap for a Hotel for Dogs sequel.

Speed Racer
Reason: Big budget. One of the main downfalls of the Academy Awards has been the fact that, like all your hipster friends, they only talk about movies you've never fucking heard of. But instead of choosing the obvious Dark Knight, the Academy Awards choose to ruffle some feathers in its selection of Speed Racer, clearly the best film for it's...um...okay, the studio just paid us a bunch of money to select it. But at least now the academy finally has the budget to get all the attendees at the awards ceremony gift baskets again.

What Happens in Vegas
Reason: In addition to being nominated for Best Picture, Cameron Diaz and Mr. Demi Moore are given special Oscars just so they'll stop acting, er...because of their convincing typecast performances.

Don't Mess With the Zohan
Reason: Or maybe they should choose The Love Guru? They both were such excellent comedic films that really made people think about different cultures in a new, non-stereotypical light.

The Eye/Blindness
Reason: Having a movie with a disability automatically gets you an Oscar. Disabled is the new Holocaust.

--Gaar Adams

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