Respected studio executives across Hollywood think ‘classic film’ and then think ‘remake gold.’ These bigwigs take a film with a perfected script, timeless cast, and revolutionary cinematography and use that as a formula for a new movie with untested directors, a cast whose most well-known member was maybe on a Romanian soap opera in the 80’s, and a cinematographer who took a couple of night classes at a community college once. Unstoppable formula, no? Recent examples include the huge cash-monies raked in by the 2006 remake of “The Wicker Man,” as well as the boatload of Oscars for the 2001 remake of “Planet of the Apes.”

So it’s been established that this is a mistake made by people in the biz. Now replace “respected studio executives” with “John Stamos” and “classic films” with “Full House.” Yes, John Stamos is working on a "Full House" movie. And now, please immediately buy your plane ticket to Hollywood to begin picketing. Or just jump off the Golden Gate Bridge featured in the opening credits of “Full House” as protest. Because really, what hope is left in the world?

In a series of recent interviews, Stamos stated his delusional desire to see Steve Carrell as Danny Tanner (maybe when he stops starring in one of the most popular comedies on television), Tracy Morgan as Uncle Joey (maybe when he stops starring in the most critically-acclaimed comedy on television), and James Franco as his own character (maybe when he stops being nominated for Academy Awards. And, like, gets hit in the face a bunch of times).

-Gaar Adams

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