Kevin Jonas Engaged: Is This The Death or the Ultimate Sacrifice of The Jonas Brothers?
When The Jonas Brothers walk onto a stage, and only 2 of the 3 siblings are wearing a purity ring, are they still The Jonas Brothers?
Reuters reported just hours ago that Kevin Jonas, the elder of the squad, successfully proposed to Danielle Deleasa, a 22 year-old ex-hairdresser from New Jersey. Taking a quick stop at the doorstep of the young lady in the armpit of America on his way home from a concert in Vancouver, KJ came bearing a different ring than the ones the Brothers are used to wearing: The purity rings--the external embodiment of their internal (and most likely contractual) commitment to abstinence and Disney's twisted tease of rocking teens with sex appeal that cannot be touched or talked about.
As the boys jump from sweaty, tanned poses on the cover of Rolling Stone, to prim and proper portraits with their mother Denise on the front of Good Housekeeping, will this game of mixed messages come to an abrupt end when it is common knowledge that one of the boys on stage has done the dirty deed while the other two are still sneaking around trying to jerk it on the tour bus while the ghost of Uncle Walt is off somewhere kicking Michael Eisner's ass? Or, is Kevin the only one who could get away with this? Moreover, the one who was meant to do this?
Kevin Jonas is the Jonas Brother no one likes. To the teeny-bopper fans, Kevin is the odd-man out. In photos, his smoldering face fails to maintain the implicit Disney sexuality that his other brothers have perfected. And, as a result, he appears borderline creepy while plastered on tween bedroom walls. He doesn't sing either. He has the most outwardly curly hair (which he blatantly straightens). Kevin is too old to swoon the 13 and under audience, as Nick Jonas has, and lacks the boyish good looks of Joe Jonas to be the unanimously accepted hunk of clan Jonas. The much fabled "Bonus Jonas" a.k.a. 9-year-old Frankie Jonas, is actually preferable to teenage cougers.
On the most recent Rolling Stone cover, Kevin is, predictably, far from the foreground of the image. Joe, little Nick, and Joe's visible bulge are giants in contrast to the distant face of Kevin that practically shouts awkward, misplaced sexuality. The title reads "Boys to Men: Inside the World of the Jonas Brothers," but was Kevin ever one of the boys?
Of course, there are the longstanding speculations on Kevin's questionable sexuality. A cursory google search yields countless results of commentary on the possibility of Kevin batting for the other team. Look again at the image we began this article with-- Kevin, in classic Myspace form, taking a picture of himself and Danielle scandalously locking lips, ready to post it online as if to shove his apparent heterosexuality down the throat of doubters. So, does this marriage, instead of sullying the purity of the young men, in fact ice them as the ultimate purveyors of Christian and Disneyfied American values by guaranteeing the most pure path of all through heterosexual marriage?
To fans, this news of the fiance Jonas must come not as a shock, but rather, a relief. Many a conflicted Miley-wannabe has stumbled to explain exactly why they only enjoy 2/3 of the Brothers. "He's not hot enough" is too shallow, but "He's getting married, he's not an option" - now that is the perfect scapegoat. Mothers can rest assured that the 21-year-old won't sneak their daughters backstage for a purity kiss - he simply has no interest. Parents will praise Kevin, because he is the fulfilled Jonas Brothers prophesy, the boy-who-abstained. Gay or not gay, Kevin is the ultimate sacrifice for the Brothers - he is the one who will prove that the JoBros formula works. Rock out without your c*ck out. Don't do drugs. Wear a purity ring until you are married. You will be successful and, most importantly, happy.
The sacrifice, however, may be about giving up more than just Kevin's possible sexual freedom-- it could be his spot in the band as well. Is this the cue for the never-quite-right Jonas to slowly fade out of the band and let minibro Frankie pick up the demographic that Nick is growing out of?
If Disney movies teach us anything, it is that once you have remained pure and chaste long enough, you will come upon your one and only true love and live Happily Ever After. What may lie beyond that Ever After is not to be seen, but instead to be rode out into the sunset where storks deliver babies and the 'bad guys' aren't allowed past the gates.
They may have lost Britney, and Christina, and Miley, but Disney knows damn well what they're doing with the Brothers Jonas.
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very interesting analysis.
idk if kevin will leave, but it's definitely the ultimate goal of the 'prophesy' for them to get married. What if he has kids? Will they join the band?
I LOVE JOE!!!! I WANT HIM!!! THANK GOODNESS IT'S NOT HIM MARRYING NOW!!!
AAAAHH! KEVIN MAY NOT LOOK THAT GOOD BUT HE IS AN AMAZIN GUITARIST! I CANT BARE HIM LEAVIN!
I LOVE YOU JOE MORE THAN MY LIFE!
LUV 3 U MORE THAN EVERY SINGLE THIN IN DA WORLD PUT TOGETHER!
I LUV 3 U MORE THAN ALL UR FANS LUV PUT TOGETHER!
Wacked out analysis. A lot of us fans have no interest in the purity rings; they are a BAND. They will continue to be a BAND.
There is nothing formulaic about them aside from the marketing imposed on them, which has little to nothing to do with reality. Give me a break.
Their beliefs are being exploited by Disney, but they are their beliefs. Kevin is following through on it not because of contracts but because it is the life he wants to lead.
Joe & Nick are individuals, and it remains to be seen whether they will choose to do the same, but overanalyzed cynicism is not the way to deal with this band. Misguided, and embarrassing, for YOU.
I think your ideas are bit weird..what the hell is the purity ring doing in the article regarding the band..omg, everybody knows that what you need is talent to be a performer and i believe that Kevin is very talented though his not the one dpoing the major vocals but then HIS A JONAS BROTHER..and he deserves to be there whether his married or not, a heterowhatever..his a real awesome guy..
The last time I saw them was a few months ago. I thought it was the best concert that I had ever been to even that concerts tickets price was high sky maybe Coz I used not to research enough to see if there were better pricing. But now I can save some dollars via after finding this:
http://www.rickstickets.com
what the heck he does have fans and im 12 and im a huge fan of kevin this arrticle is junk! and who nos if he will leave he has his own life now and this is his job...let kevin live his live hes human too!
Ok, I loved this article! It was great fun to read, but I do have to say my favorite part of it was all of the lame responses! I am saddened by people's lack of grammar, punctuation and proper spelling. I particularly like the response where they used the word "his" instead of "he". I just had to comment because I need to say something to all of the idiots who responded with poor writing skills, if you ever want to be taken seriously in these responses, or in life you need to go back to school and brush up on your writing skills!
To the person who wrote this article:
You hit the nail on the head. The article is clever, thought provoking and has a clear message! Great job! I look forward to reading your other entries!
Thanks Christine, we're really glad you appreciated this article! It has been quite frustrating to be inundated with such ridiculous comments previous to yours, and it's incredibly refreshing to see someone understand what we were trying to do here!
We look forward to having your readership!
Thanks again,
Jeff
I do find the grammar of previous quotes quite hilarious. And the 12 year old who states her love for Kevin is funny as well.
But I do think that this article is obnoxious. Yes, although I do enjoy the Jonas brothers, I did joke about Kevin being homo. We, as humans, don't have the right to judge anyone considering we are FAR from perfect.
Now, you talk about being pure forever and then meeting your one and true love and living happily ever after as a joke, when it really is a reality.
If you took the time to understand the reason behind the purity rings, you would probably not have written this article and embarrassed yourself. They chose to wear the purity rings to show they will wait for the one person in which God has planned for them. The bible says you will not have to chase after them, for there is one person that will be for you, that He has planned for you. Whether you believe in the bible or not, The Jonas' do.
Now, I also believe that this marriage will not affect the band. And if it does, that was the purpose. I can guarantee that the family has discussed and prayed about this for some time now, although it came to a shock to everyone else. They know what is going on, and they have their faith to guide them. And if they don't, sucks for them. Whatever happens, happens. Should we really care? I love those boys as performers, but I will not be surprised by what happens to them. God is in control.
Your last quote, however funny I do believe it is, is even more ridiculous when you look at the people you chose. Britney and Christina? Perhaps you meant Hilary and Lindsey? That seems more probable considering they were actually a part of Disney.
Oh and to Christine:
That girl exchanged "HE'S" with "his", not "he" with "his" :)
Yes I had a lot to say, but besides that, this was very cleverly written and strong. I enjoyed it :) and it made me think! which is good!
Congrats!
and
THE END!
Thanks for the comment, we appreciate your insight and we respect your views definitely.
To clear things up though, Britney and Christina are Disney, they were in the Mickey Mouse club, as seen here --
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/11/06/article-1083708-004D0CEA00000258-894_468x401.jpg
kevn is hawt. i wish I were marrying him. then i would be able to wind that incredibly permed, perfectly curled hair through my fingers every night.
This article is absolutely perfect! And although it was hilarious, the funniest part had to be the kid professing her love for Kevin - LOL!
But seriously, keep up the great work!
I'm really happy that kevin is getting married, but I'm even more happier that they are still going to be a band!
Time to make some bubble hash
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