A Panda plays first base for the Giants, a Puma takes his cuts in Houston and a horse takes faceoffs in Carolina.

1. Pablo Sandoval - Baseball's Kung Fu Panda. An Introduction- Recently, ESPN has become enamored with one Pablo Sandoval, a third basemen for the San Francisco Giants. And yet, ESPN isn’t swooning over his .328 batting average and 13 home runs; numbers that, while commendable, couldn’t even land Sandoval a spot on the NL all-star team. Instead, the worldwide leader in sport has fallen hard for Pablo because of his uncanny resemblance to Ailuropoda melanoleuca or, for those of you noobs not majoring in Zoology, the Giant Panda. (Ironically, the panda’s scientific name literally translates to “black and white cat-footed animal”… hmm) In all seriousness, Sandoval has been nicknamed Kung Fu Panda by his teammates and the greater baseball community and it’s pretty easy to see why.

Kung Fa Panda – Baseball Style.

Real panda.

I honestly can’t say which one is more adorable. I attribute Pablo’s success this year to his panda-resemblance. Any pitcher with any kind of a heart wouldn’t be able to strike out anything this innocent and cuddly looking, would he? Would you? Shame on you if you can. Honestly, the resemblance makes us wonder if a particularly highly trained panda escaped from the San Francisco Zoo and donned a Giants uniform.
Without further ado, we present to you the best of the other animals that have infiltrated the sporting world.

Lance Berkman - Houston Astros - MLB - The Big Puma - Lance has been given the nickname the Big Puma and again we see that Baseball fans, when you put them all together and give them just one simple comparison task, can come through with a correct answer.

Our Canadian-born, Houston-dwelling, baseball playing Big Puma.


A River Puma stalking her pitcher, ahem, prey.

Somewhat surprisingly but not really since this is Texas, a fan club has sprouted for Berkman consisting of fans calling themselves the little Pumas.

They dress up in full costume for each and every game… and they’re recruiting! Just go to www.thelittlepumas.com . Don’t tell me you’re not interested.



Rod Brind'Amour - Carolina Hurricanes - NHL - Better to be a horse's front than a horse's Ass - Despite being one of the NHL’s most respected leaders and all-around good guys, Rod is mostly noted for two things. 1) As a rookie with the St. Louis Blues, he was known as Rod the Bod for his peak physical condition. 2) Regardless of his toned abs and muscular pecs, Brind’amour will forever be found on every list of the NHL’s ugliest players. This is because the poor Canuck looks like a horse.

This photo was not photoshopped and, in fact, it’s one of the most flattering ones I found. After all, I could’ve shown you this one.

Yummy. Brind’amour’s nose has become so disfigured that it even prompted his wife to sleep with former teammate Eric Lindros, leading Brind’amour to request the trade that got him to Carolina.



Tracy McGrady - Houston Rockets - NBA - Stay away from Mike Vick! - The great and perpetually injured T-Mac has a rarely mentioned but quite obvious resemblance to a pug dog.

While this may explain his tenacity on the floor, it also explains his terrible performance in games in Atlanta and his borderline manic fear of Michael Vick. Who knew?


Mike Ricci - Retired (Thank God) - NHL - Russia's Greatest Love Machine/??? - Finally, no list of animal-like athletes would be complete without at least mentioning the great Mike Ricci. Ricci has the distinction of being the ugliest player to ever be a professional in any major sport. Your homework this week is to figure out what animal he looks like. For reference, I will provide several pictures of Ricci. Reader be warned, Ricci’s face is so disfigured that it often prompts violent digestive system reactions. It is so hideous that it has compelled St. Louis Blues defenseman to fling the puck into his own net just to get off of the same ice surface as Ricci.


It’s sad because it’s true. Look closely: Bergevin is the idiot who scores on his own goalie and Ricci is the madman wearing #19 who is pursuing him. So, I leave you this week with three of the best pictures of Mike Ricci and remember to tell me what animal you think he looks like.






















In advance, Rasputin, though an excellent guess, is not an animal. He is Russia’s greatest love machine.


Cheers!

-Simon Svirnovskiy

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